Beyond Emotions — Overcoming Emotional Reactivity
Do you also sometimes wonder whether your personal development is going in the right direction? Or if it does have any clear direction at all? Or if there is sufficient speed? And how do you actually determine that?
We can live for a long time in the illusion that we have more than enough time and possibilities, but actually we know that is not the case. Our time and possibilities are absolutely limited, however positive we think. But what does that mean for us? How do we deal purposefully and adequately with our time and possibilities? Indispensable for this is having a view on your life goal (what do you really want with your life as a whole), and how you think you can achieve that? Insight into the possible stages of development in your life course — their content and especially their development needs and possibilities — is of crucial importance.
In recent years I have written a lot about, and worked with (including my own) emotional reactivity. An important reason is that reactivity is a clear concept, it is fairly easy to observe when you train your perception, and it is a red thread throughout the (4) Stages of Consciousness Development — 1) Autonomous, 2)Psychological, 3)Existential and 4)Realisation
In my experience there are three points that an effective self-healing technique or practice should have as a minimum:
- it is a simple, instantly recognizable and experienced concept (reactivity),
- it has a clear application (ways to dismantle your reactivity),
- it produces (more) demonstrable results both in the short and the long term (less reactivity).
Reactivity is seen in Buddhist psychology as one of the main causes of our suffering from feelings of fear, insecurity, and stress, but also anger, resentment and grief. I described the mechanism of emotional reactivity as follows:
‘Reactivity is relatively easy to recognize (if you pay attention!) because it is always more or less out of proportion in relation to the trigger, for example something someone says or does. Your reflex to protect yourself against the alleged repetition of the (old) pain of rejection or disapproval makes the response inadequate and often too strong. And, for the other, hard to understand.’
The reaction can be both inner (strong emotional experience — such as aggression, anger, shame, sadness) and outer, clearly visible in the interaction with the other(s). What they have in common is that they both influence the reaction of the other(s) and are counterproductive — for example, we get the rejection or disapproval that we tried to prevent. ‘
Emotional Reactivity in the Psychological Phase
Working with reactivity is a red thread through the 4 phases of Consciousness Development. In the first Autonomous Phase (0–25 yr) reactivity develops in its different manifestations, these are our basic survival and protection reflexes. Although we already experience this in our youth, we are hardly aware of it, partly because the possibility of being aware of it has not yet been developed.
It is only in the second, Psychological Phase, that the most basic reactivity, the emotional, becomes evident to everyone, and we experience the counterproductive results. We react directly emotionally, take too much too quickly personally, are defensive, aggressive or withdrawn, and thus end up in the same vicious reactive circle time and time again. The old reflexes are no longer appropriate in our current situation(s). (Point 1 — experience and recognition).
The development question in the Psychological Phase can be summarized as liberating us from our emotional bondage. We do this by first consciously identifying with our emotional reactivity — ‘yes, that’s me too’ (where we have a very strong impulse not to do that — I am not this / I do not want to be this!).
We do this by specifically researching its content, effect and origin and see how it for what it is. This requires that we train our awareness structurally (quality up) with mindfulness and meditation and use it in our daily lives for focused research (Point 2 — clear application).
Am I, or am I not?
After sufficient identification and awareness of our emotionality and reactivity, we can de-identify ourselves from them (if we want to do that too quickly, and that tendency is not stranger to me, the transition is incomplete and we get to deal with it in the following Phase (s) in the form of obstacles). Des-identifying can be done in various ways and in essence the content is the insight contained in this Psychosynthesis classic: “I have a body, and am more than that; I have emotions, and am more than that; I have thoughts and I am more than that. “
We include the content — emotions — and transcend it , I am more than that! I am not limited to that and become less reactive and freer to respond to choice. (Point 3: result).
The des-identification liberates us from the vicious circle of being imprisoned in our emotional identity without being able to identify it, for that is the first conscious, geritrue identification is necessary! And that is in essence what various forms of psychotherapy, such as Gestalt Therapy, have to offer.
In this process of identification and des-identification, which requires effort and attention, completeness is more important than speed! The liberation from our emotional bondage is a necessary condition for the complete transition to the next Phase.
Evolution of Consciousness
This sequence and necessity of identification and des-identification is encountered in all phases. It is essentially the mechanism of the evolution of our consciousness — to encompass and transcend [1] — to encompass the Phase we are in and thus transcend it into a higher Phase of development.
In the blog Beyond Thoughts — Overcoming Mental Reactivity (2) I continue with identification and desidentification in the 3rd Phase of Consciousness Development, the Existential Phase.
In Beyond the Self — Overcoming Reification (3) we look at the content of the 4th Phase, the Realisation Phase of non-meditation and non-duality.
[1] Ken Wilber has published a lot about this mechanism of evolution of consciousness. His latest book on this is ‘The Religion of Tomorrow — A Vision for the Future of The Great Traditions.’ (Shambhala 2017)
